Who Doesn’t Love Beer and Chicken

Now to say I remember what actually happened would be a lie, but I do remember shaking his bed, banging on some pans, screaming “BIG UPPPSSSSS,” and putting ketchup on a doorknob. Then one of my accomplices told my roommate, “I think you were just robbed?”

-Almost Vegan Official

We have all been there. That moment your mother/father/boss/police find you hiding in your buddies closet and all you can think is, fuckkkkkkkk. For myself I never really did anything bad as a kid. I never got brought home by the police or stayed out partying and had to sneak back in. I don’t really remember ever doing anything bad. It’s safe to say I was a stellar child and I am sure my parents are happy for how well behaved myself, and my sister, were in our youth. However, like most children in America, the moment I left my home I kinda went out of control. I didn’t get into hard drugs or start robbing liquor stores, but I did really start to acquire a taste for that liquid gold we call booze. 

In highschool I was so dedicated to track and field I never really drank. After graduation I attended a few house parties but never really went crazy. Then that following winter I enlisted into the United States Navy. If there was an organization that promoted drinking more than Budweiser it would be the Department of Defense (DOD). I served my enlistment working with both Sailors and Marines. To say one can out drink the other is a bit of a debate, but I do know those two are the kings of drinking in the DOD. I have never seen groups of people so eager to get as completely trashed as possible every chance they had. It’s almost poetic when your watching it–a sea of men chugging beers, passing bottles of cheap whiskey and rum, forming clouds above from chain smoking cigarettes, and fitted with a fist full of chewing tobacco in their lower lip. I have seen this same image across the globe. No matter what the environment Marines and Sailors like to get drunk-af.

I spent my early naval days training in Great Lakes, Illinois. I made about 500 dollars every two weeks and every weekend I would spend about 250 on alcohol. I was only 19 at the time, so I wasn’t really going to the bars to drink. So what my friends and I would do is get a bottle, or 4, of the cheapest liquor we could find (my personal favorite at that time was a gallon of Jim Bean (a cheap whiskey-blend). We would rent a hotel and drink as much as we could. No mixes, no cups. Just passing the bottle and chugging as much as possible in one gulp. We would then make to-go cups (a fast food or bottled soda mixed with 50% alcohol 50% soda) and venture out into the city. Honestly, I don’t even remember what we would do. No of us were really into restaurants and we couldn’t get into the bars so I’m assuming we just walked around, being drunk and disorderly, until we passed out. This degenerate lifestyle is seen positively to young Marines and Sailors and being the overachiever I am, I found it a goal to be the best degenerate I could be. 

After graduating from Hospital Corpsman (medic for sailors and marines) school my friends and I went out to Buffalo Wild Wings. There I remember taking a bottle of Southern Comfort into the bathroom stall and proceed to do as many shots in a row as I could before I started to feel drunk. The craziest part of this whole experience wasn’t me doing this but was my peers encouraging it. It was cool to be drunk. This behavior followed me to my first duty station in the Pacific island of Guam. Here I had my first experience with the law and felt it to its fullest. 

The day started as a typical Wednesday afternoon. I am now 20 and working as a Hospital Corpsman. The government of Guam had just changed the legal drinking age from 20 to 21 and our command was just waiting for someone to make an example out of. All the Corpsman lived within walking distance to the hospital (where we worked) in a symmetric subdivision that connected all the homes by a large open field in the center of the complex. In the middle of the field the residents and I would usually set up chairs and drink the night away. We did this often and nothing really became of it. Nobody got hurt or in trouble for doing anything stupid. However, one night that all changed when we decided to mess with my roommate. 

Conformity is a huge part of the military and when you’re different you are wrong. This makes sense in the military–it’s a dangerous job and things are done in a very specific way in order to make a safe and effective environment for everyone. My roommate was also underage but did not want to take part in our drinking festivities. Of course this bothered us and we took it as an insult. So after the sunset, our liquid courage filled selfs decided to give him a little tease.

 Now to say I remember what actually happened would be a lie, but I do remember shaking his bed, banging on some pans, screaming “BIG UPPPSSSSS,” and putting ketchup on a doorknob. Then one of my accomplices told my roommate, “I think you were just robbed?” I don’t know if my roommate actually believed him or he wanted us to get in trouble, either way, he called the MA (Military Police) and so we ran–I was one of the only underage people in the group so finding me drunk would get us into a lot of trouble. 

As soon as I got the news that the MA was actually coming down to investigate I froze. I turned into a caveman, just grunting and jump shifting my legs back and forth. I had to get out of there fast. In hindsight I should of just walked off base, or hid in the bushes, pretend to be in the shower, go “running”, literally anything instead of what I decided to do.

 My friends told me to hide so I ran–what I thought was a far distance, to my buddies house, right next door. I ran upstairs and found myself a comfortable spot in their bedroom closet. There, I sat down, hugged my legs and waited while everyone else waited downstairs. I heard the MA and instantly recognized his voice. Of fucking course the MA  working that night was the god dam Cheif (E-7). (Chiefs in the military are the top dogs. They are the highest ranking enlisted members in the navy. It would be like getting arrested by the Captain of the police force). So there I was listening to the conversations happening downstairs. I then hear the conversations stop and I started to hear footsteps come up the stairs. I heard the Chief MA asking of my whereabouts and of course everyone denied having seen me. I snug my way closer to the wall in the closet, thinking I’ll somehow blend into the wall. 

The footsteps are now in the room and the closet door opens. The MA pushes the hanging clothes and locks his eyes with mine. FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK is all I could think. I was drunk, new to the command, underage, and just got found hiding in a closet from the Chief MA of my command–A great way to start my military career. I still had hope and thought if I just play it cool he won’t realize I’m drunk. 

Anyone who has ever been drunk knows there is no hiding it and plus I mean, I was the only sober person so I hid in a closet? Doesn’t really make much sense. So following events led me to confinement in the Naval hospital for 30 days. I was giving extra duty (longer working hours) half months worth of pay, but the hardest part was having to give an apology to that ass hole of a roommate I had. I am usually quick to forgive but I will always hate that guy. There are so many ways to handle that situation but calling the MA’s I think was completely overboard. But what goes around comes around and the following months I actually got awarded for my great work in the hospital and was even asked to be part of the Commanding Officers retirement ceremony, a very big honor for any military official to be apart of. I went on with my career moving to Mare Corps Base Hawaii where I lived for another 3 years and got to experience the beauty that is the Hawaiin Islands. The drinking of course continued but as I aged I started to stray away from chugging Southern Comfort in the Buffalo Wild Wings bathroom stall and drank in a more socially acceptable manner. (Smashing beers on the walkways of Mackey Hall). 

While in Guam I was blessed with being invited to many BBQ’s on the island and fell in love with food for the first times in my life. My single most favorite dish from the island is called Chicken Kelaguen. It’s essential finely chopped chicken with lemon juice and is served at BBQ’s all over the island. It’s light, delicious, and perfect to make for large groups. Usually you use a rotisserie chicken you can find in the store, chop all the meat into itty bitty pieces, then mix with some lemon juice onions and coconut. For this recipe I wanted to give it an Almost Vegan Official twist. I am going to show you how to make my favorite marinade ever, and also how to use the chicken three ways–I mean this is a food blog, I’m not going to tell you to go buy pre made chicken! To pair with this great party dish I am also going to introduce the Hawaiian Classic, Musubi. Pronounced “Moo Soo Bee” its essentially a large rice block with a piece of meat on top. It’s found in local 7/11’s and convenient stores around the island and is a great on the go snack. Normally relatively cheap I’ve also seen high end versions. Enjoy the recipes, try them out, take those pictures, tag @almostveganofficail, and drink responsibly.

Almost Vegan Official Marinade Recipe


  1. Soy Sauce-280g
  2. Coconut Sugar or Dark Brown Sugar-144g
  3. Maple Syrup-43g 
  4. Sesame Oil-60g
  5. Bourbon-37g
  6. Black Pepper-10g
  7. Garlic-20g
  8. Thai Chilis-3
  9. Kiwi (peeled)-215g
  10. Song: Thunderclouds by: Sia


  1. Blend all ingredients in a blender or cut up everything really small and mix.
  2. Use to marinate any of your favorite meats or veggies and enjoy the beauty that is the Almost Vegan Official Marinade. 

*After your good hits the grill be sure to splash some lime juice on it. Goes great with the marinade. 

Click on a picture below and get to cooking!!

Guam’s Chicken Kelaguen
Chicken Hawaiian Musubi

Published by almostveganofficial

Former vet, cook, and now a current student at Columbia University trying to spread some inspiration to get back in the kitchen and make some kick-ass food!

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